no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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