brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
