This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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