haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
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You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
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We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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