Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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