what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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