I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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