I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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