I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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