Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
