The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
