Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
