I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
