So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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