Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
