guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
