Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
