oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
