Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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