Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
