I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
