My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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