It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
