You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
