careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
