Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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