His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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