I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
