quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
