I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
