shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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