I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
