does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
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You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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