remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
