Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Randomize
