I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
