Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I did not marry a roomba.
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