You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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