I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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