no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
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