everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
