Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
