Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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