My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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