there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
