she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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