Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
