how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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