i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
