Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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