why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
