return my video game
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
