i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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