hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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