Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
