I can text with my tongue
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
