the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
