it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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