some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
