We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
