Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
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I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
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Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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