If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So drunk its hurt
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize