Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
