were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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