there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
