She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
