so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
