We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
