the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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