I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
