Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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