Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
