I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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