Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
