i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Betty ford says i'm here all night
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
